1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:05,866 Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:05,938 --> 00:00:09,874 Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:09,942 --> 00:00:11,341 Your heart is true 4 00:00:11,410 --> 00:00:16,871 You're a pal and a confidante 5 00:00:16,949 --> 00:00:19,747 And if you threw a party 6 00:00:19,818 --> 00:00:24,755 Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:24,823 --> 00:00:29,123 You would see the biggest gift would be from me 8 00:00:29,194 --> 00:00:31,719 And the card attached would say 9 00:00:31,797 --> 00:00:35,733 "Thank you for being a friend" 10 00:00:57,789 --> 00:01:00,519 Wait a minute! Just where do you think you're going? 11 00:01:00,592 --> 00:01:05,825 Over to Mildred's to watch the adult movie channel. She has a wide-screen TV. 12 00:01:05,897 --> 00:01:09,458 You are not going anywhere. Dr. Clayton is coming. 13 00:01:09,534 --> 00:01:13,197 - Dr. Silvano is my doctor! - Dr. Silvano is dead. 14 00:01:13,272 --> 00:01:15,900 Trust me, I'm in better shape than he is. Goodbye. 15 00:01:16,608 --> 00:01:20,339 Ma, you have to have an examination. Your blood pressure is up, 16 00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:22,437 you're tired, you have absolutely no color. 17 00:01:22,514 --> 00:01:25,881 I'm an old white woman. I'm not supposed to have color. 18 00:01:25,951 --> 00:01:29,546 You want color? Talk to Lena Horne. 19 00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:32,818 Here we are, Sophia. Homemade chicken soup. 20 00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:35,655 I used to make it for my husband when he wasn't feeling well. 21 00:01:35,727 --> 00:01:39,527 Did you make it for him the last time he wasn't feeling well? 22 00:01:39,598 --> 00:01:41,293 - Hello, everyone. - Hi, Blanche. 23 00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:44,096 I just happened upon the most divine dress sale. 24 00:01:44,169 --> 00:01:47,263 I would'have called you girls, but all they had left were petites. 25 00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:52,068 So what did you buy? Shoes? 26 00:01:54,246 --> 00:01:59,411 I'm a petite. I'd better go there. I need a black dress for Dr. Silvano's funeral. 27 00:01:59,484 --> 00:02:02,317 Dr. Silvano died two months ago. 28 00:02:02,387 --> 00:02:04,378 You went to his funeral. 29 00:02:04,456 --> 00:02:07,721 Right, I can't let him see me in the same dress. 30 00:02:07,793 --> 00:02:11,024 Ma, you're not going anywhere until the doctor comes! 31 00:02:11,096 --> 00:02:15,965 You can't go anywhere now. I want you to see how good I look in my new dress! 32 00:02:16,034 --> 00:02:20,130 You know something? We're really lucky we found a doctor who makes house calls. 33 00:02:20,205 --> 00:02:23,265 I know. When I was growing up in Minnesota, 34 00:02:23,342 --> 00:02:25,606 the doctor made house calls all the time... 35 00:02:25,677 --> 00:02:28,737 ...for us and the livestock. 36 00:02:28,814 --> 00:02:31,681 You and the animals had the same doctor? 37 00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:34,014 Sure. Worked out fine... 38 00:02:34,086 --> 00:02:36,816 ...until the doctor started drinking hog liniment 39 00:02:36,888 --> 00:02:40,119 and tried to neuter the Swensen brothers. 40 00:02:40,192 --> 00:02:42,626 (doorbell 41 00:02:42,694 --> 00:02:45,891 If that's the doctor, tell him I have no insurance and no money! 42 00:02:45,964 --> 00:02:49,730 If he still wants to come in, he just wants to see me naked. 43 00:02:51,803 --> 00:02:55,330 Hello, I'm Dr. Clayton. I'm here to see Sophia Petrillo. 44 00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:57,739 Oh please, please come right in. 45 00:02:57,809 --> 00:03:02,473 I'm Dorothy, Sophia's daughter, and I usually look much better. 46 00:03:02,547 --> 00:03:04,538 Now, this is my friend, Rose. 47 00:03:04,616 --> 00:03:06,083 - Hello, doctor. - Rose. 48 00:03:06,151 --> 00:03:08,517 And this is Sophia. 49 00:03:08,587 --> 00:03:11,784 - What seems to be her problem? - Her blood pressure is up 50 00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:13,848 and she's a little pale and a little tired. 51 00:03:13,925 --> 00:03:16,758 - She on any medication? - Yes, to control blood pressure. 52 00:03:16,828 --> 00:03:20,491 - How long's she been on that medication? - What am I, two years old? 53 00:03:20,565 --> 00:03:24,399 I don't know my own symptoms? I've lived in this body since I was born. 54 00:03:24,469 --> 00:03:28,132 If something goes wrong, I'm the first one to hear about it! 55 00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:31,073 I'm sorry, Sophia. What seems to be the problem? 56 00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:33,771 What am I, a doctor? 57 00:03:33,845 --> 00:03:36,712 Why don't we start by taking your temperature, huh? 58 00:03:36,782 --> 00:03:41,276 Temperature, hmm. He must have graduated at the top of his class. 59 00:03:41,353 --> 00:03:44,720 - Under your tongue. - Uh, tell me, 60 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:48,749 - are you new to this area, Dr. Clayton? - Yes. I recently moved here. 61 00:03:48,827 --> 00:03:52,763 Oh, Miami's a beautiful city. I'm sure you'll enjoy living here. 62 00:03:52,831 --> 00:03:57,461 Yes, and I'm sure your wife, Mrs. Clayton, will enjoy it, too. 63 00:03:57,536 --> 00:03:59,629 Mrs. Clayton and I are no longer together. 64 00:03:59,704 --> 00:04:01,695 Oh, I'm so sorry. 65 00:04:04,276 --> 00:04:06,369 So, tell me, have you had a chance 66 00:04:06,445 --> 00:04:09,346 - to see much of the city? - No, not really. 67 00:04:09,414 --> 00:04:12,815 Perhaps I could show you some of the highlights sometime. 68 00:04:12,884 --> 00:04:15,182 That sounds great. I'd love it! 69 00:04:15,253 --> 00:04:17,244 I'd love to go, too. 70 00:04:19,157 --> 00:04:21,455 Except I have to wash my hair... 71 00:04:21,526 --> 00:04:23,892 ...every day... 72 00:04:24,796 --> 00:04:27,458 ...for the rest of my life. 73 00:04:27,532 --> 00:04:30,433 It's very oily. 74 00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:33,665 What about dinner tomorrow night, Dorothy? Say, about eight? 75 00:04:33,738 --> 00:04:37,071 Perfect! We'll go to Jack's Crab House. It's wonderful. 76 00:04:37,142 --> 00:04:40,111 Well, girls, is this dress gonna stop traffic or what? 77 00:04:41,613 --> 00:04:45,310 Oh, hello there. 78 00:04:45,383 --> 00:04:47,544 I don't believe we've been introduced. 79 00:04:47,619 --> 00:04:49,610 My name is Blanche Deveraux. 80 00:04:49,688 --> 00:04:54,557 That's French for... "Blanche Deveraux. " 81 00:04:56,027 --> 00:04:58,552 - I'm pleased to meet you. - Forgive me for staring, 82 00:04:58,630 --> 00:05:02,396 but I do declare, you're just about the most attractive man I've seen in Florida 83 00:05:02,467 --> 00:05:07,666 since Mr. John Forsythe performed Hamlet at the Burt Reynolds Dinner Theatre. 84 00:05:07,739 --> 00:05:09,969 Blanche, might I see you a moment? 85 00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:12,202 Pardonnez-moi. 86 00:05:12,277 --> 00:05:14,768 Listen, you keep your bloomers on, Scarlett. 87 00:05:14,846 --> 00:05:16,973 He's taking me out tomorrow night. 88 00:05:17,048 --> 00:05:19,778 But he wants me. I can feel it. 89 00:05:19,851 --> 00:05:22,649 Let somebody else feel it. 90 00:05:24,456 --> 00:05:27,892 - I saw him first. - But we were meant for each other. 91 00:05:27,959 --> 00:05:31,622 - I'm a woman, he's a man. - And what am I, Little Richard? 92 00:05:34,032 --> 00:05:36,159 Oh, all right. Fair's fair. 93 00:05:36,234 --> 00:05:38,668 But if he has a friend who makes house calls, 94 00:05:38,737 --> 00:05:42,229 I can be ill any night this week except Thursday. 95 00:05:42,941 --> 00:05:46,741 - Well, doctor, how is she? - Her temperature seems to be normal. 96 00:05:46,811 --> 00:05:50,110 Tell me, Sophia, are you taking your medication as directed? 97 00:05:50,181 --> 00:05:53,275 I take my medication every day, if I remember. 98 00:05:53,351 --> 00:05:55,546 You have to remember to take it every day. 99 00:05:55,620 --> 00:05:58,487 Oh, I'll see that she does, Dr. Clayton. 100 00:05:58,557 --> 00:06:02,721 Elliot. Well, ladies, it's been a great pleasure meeting you. 101 00:06:02,794 --> 00:06:07,197 Dorothy, it's been especially nice meeting you. 102 00:06:07,265 --> 00:06:09,733 I'm sure she's all right, but you call me if you need me, 103 00:06:09,801 --> 00:06:12,167 and I'll see you tomorrow night. 104 00:06:12,237 --> 00:06:16,731 - Goodbye, Elliot. - Goodbye, Dorothy. 105 00:06:18,343 --> 00:06:22,245 Oh, thank you for being a kind and generous god. 106 00:06:28,987 --> 00:06:31,478 OK, what do you think of this one? 107 00:06:31,556 --> 00:06:35,117 Dorothy, you and Elliot have been out almost every night this week. 108 00:06:35,193 --> 00:06:38,185 He's obviously hooked. You don't have to look good anymore. 109 00:06:38,263 --> 00:06:40,288 What you have on is fine. 110 00:06:45,537 --> 00:06:48,631 - I'll change. - Come on. I'll help you pick out something. 111 00:06:48,707 --> 00:06:53,303 There's nothing left to pick. The only thing I haven't tried on is the bedspread. 112 00:06:53,378 --> 00:06:55,369 (doorbell 113 00:07:00,085 --> 00:07:03,521 - Oh, hello, Elliot. Come in. - Hello, Blanche. Dorothy ready? 114 00:07:03,588 --> 00:07:06,989 I'm afraid she's gonna be a little while. May I offer you a drink? 115 00:07:07,058 --> 00:07:09,049 Why, sure, if you'll join me. 116 00:07:09,127 --> 00:07:12,119 I don't mind if I do. What would you like? 117 00:07:12,197 --> 00:07:15,257 Something smooth and sweet with a little kick to it. 118 00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,858 Hmm. How about a Sloe Gin Fizz? 119 00:07:17,936 --> 00:07:21,372 You're talking about the drink and I'm talking about the bartender. 120 00:07:23,241 --> 00:07:25,232 - Oh. - Blanche, you feel all right? 121 00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:26,971 - You feel a little flushed. - I do? 122 00:07:27,045 --> 00:07:30,037 Yeah, let me check your pulse. 123 00:07:30,115 --> 00:07:33,846 Ooh, it's racing. You know what? So is mine. 124 00:07:33,918 --> 00:07:35,818 I beg your pardon? 125 00:07:35,887 --> 00:07:39,721 - You're a very attractive woman, Blanche. - I know. 126 00:07:39,791 --> 00:07:44,023 Very... very attractive. 127 00:07:44,095 --> 00:07:46,188 Wait a minute. What are you doing? How dare you? 128 00:07:46,264 --> 00:07:48,630 - What kind of woman do you think I am? - Relax. 129 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:51,328 Relax? Don't you tell me to relax! 130 00:07:54,205 --> 00:07:56,765 I am not accustomed to being manhandled. 131 00:07:56,841 --> 00:07:59,241 - I thought you'd be flattered. - Well, I'm not. 132 00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:04,304 Pardon my strong language, but you, sir, are no gentleman. 133 00:08:04,382 --> 00:08:06,907 - I'm sorry. - You ought to be. What about Dorothy? 134 00:08:06,985 --> 00:08:10,250 - She happens to be my friend. - No reason to bring Dorothy into this. 135 00:08:10,321 --> 00:08:11,948 - Hmm. - Hi, Elliot. 136 00:08:12,023 --> 00:08:14,617 Hello, Rose. 137 00:08:14,693 --> 00:08:17,355 My, what is that marvelous scent you're wearing? 138 00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:20,557 Fancy albacore tuna. 139 00:08:22,434 --> 00:08:24,459 I made a casserole for dinner. 140 00:08:24,536 --> 00:08:27,130 Well, you certainly wear it well. 141 00:08:27,205 --> 00:08:30,436 I think it's the pimento that really sets it off. 142 00:08:31,509 --> 00:08:35,240 - Hello, Elliot. I'm sorry I'm late. - It's all right, but we should be going. 143 00:08:35,313 --> 00:08:39,647 If I'm not back by Christmas, someone take my mother to midnight mass. 144 00:08:42,854 --> 00:08:46,255 There is something about that man I don't trust. 145 00:08:46,324 --> 00:08:48,315 I can't put my finger on it. 146 00:08:48,393 --> 00:08:51,419 I can. He's a letch. 147 00:08:52,297 --> 00:08:54,788 No, that isn't it. 148 00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:58,865 Oh, yes it is, Rose. He made a pass at me. 149 00:09:00,305 --> 00:09:02,796 Oh, my Lord! 150 00:09:02,874 --> 00:09:05,809 That's terrible! Dorothy'll be heartbroken when you tell her. 151 00:09:05,877 --> 00:09:08,744 - I'm not telling her anything. - She's your friend. 152 00:09:08,813 --> 00:09:10,906 - You've got to tell her! - Oh, no, I don't. 153 00:09:10,982 --> 00:09:15,043 The last time a friend's sweetheart made a pass at me, I lost my friend and her beau. 154 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:19,113 - And her beau? - That's right. Anderbeau Johnson. 155 00:09:19,190 --> 00:09:21,556 Clyde Whitehead, Anderbeau's beau, 156 00:09:21,626 --> 00:09:25,357 decided he wanted to see my cheerleader's sweater from the inside. 157 00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:28,297 So when I told Anderbeau, she blamed the whole thing on me, 158 00:09:28,366 --> 00:09:30,960 and then Clyde would never speak to me again for telling! 159 00:09:31,035 --> 00:09:34,129 I lost Anderbeau and her beau! 160 00:09:34,205 --> 00:09:36,332 Now you understand why I can't tell Dorothy? 161 00:09:36,407 --> 00:09:39,843 I don't even understand who Anderbobo is. 162 00:09:42,313 --> 00:09:45,282 All I know is that Dorothy should find out 163 00:09:45,350 --> 00:09:50,049 what kind of a man Elliot really is. Now, if you're her friend, you'll tell her. 164 00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:53,682 But honey, she'd be devastated! What kind of a friend would I be to hurt her? 165 00:09:53,758 --> 00:09:56,818 What kind of a friend would you be if you let Elliot ruin her life? 166 00:09:56,895 --> 00:09:59,056 She could marry that man! 167 00:09:59,130 --> 00:10:01,394 They could have a child! 168 00:10:02,967 --> 00:10:06,403 They could adopt a child! 169 00:10:06,471 --> 00:10:08,905 And then one night at the country club, 170 00:10:08,973 --> 00:10:13,672 possibly during little Mei-Ling's coming-out party... 171 00:10:16,681 --> 00:10:20,378 ...Dorothy's having the time of her life when she goes to the powder room 172 00:10:20,451 --> 00:10:23,682 and she overhears the towel lady telling Mrs. Steinbeck 173 00:10:23,755 --> 00:10:26,918 that Dorothy's husband, Dr. Elliot Clayton, 174 00:10:26,991 --> 00:10:30,256 has bonged every female member of the country club. 175 00:10:31,095 --> 00:10:33,154 Can you let that happen to Dorothy? 176 00:10:33,231 --> 00:10:35,392 Can you let that happen to little Mei-Ling? 177 00:10:35,466 --> 00:10:37,457 Hasn't she suffered enough? 178 00:10:40,171 --> 00:10:42,332 Not as much as I have listening to that story. 179 00:10:42,407 --> 00:10:46,503 Oh... forget the story. 180 00:10:46,578 --> 00:10:49,012 You have to tell Dorothy. She's your friend! 181 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:51,207 You're right. She is my best friend. 182 00:10:51,282 --> 00:10:55,048 - I thought I was your best friend. - You were till you told me that story. 183 00:10:59,791 --> 00:11:01,782 - Thank you. - Good night, Dorothy. 184 00:11:01,860 --> 00:11:04,693 Good night, Elliot. 185 00:11:04,762 --> 00:11:08,698 Oh, Dorothy. I thought you'd never come home. I have to talk to you. 186 00:11:08,766 --> 00:11:11,291 - Is something wrong? Is it Ma? - Oh, no, she's fine. 187 00:11:11,369 --> 00:11:14,497 It's just that you're out so late on a school night. 188 00:11:16,774 --> 00:11:20,870 - What? - I mean, how was your date with Elliot? 189 00:11:20,945 --> 00:11:24,278 Wonderful, as usual. 190 00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:27,375 Dorothy, I have to tell you something. 191 00:11:27,452 --> 00:11:30,182 It's just so hard. I don't know how to tell you, 192 00:11:30,255 --> 00:11:32,951 except, I guess, just straight out. 193 00:11:33,024 --> 00:11:35,117 What? 194 00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:37,855 Well... 195 00:11:39,964 --> 00:11:41,955 ...Elliot made... 196 00:11:43,101 --> 00:11:45,092 ...Elliot made... 197 00:11:46,838 --> 00:11:48,829 What? 198 00:11:48,907 --> 00:11:50,898 Elliot made a... 199 00:11:50,975 --> 00:11:54,138 What? What did Elliot make, a ship in a bottle? What? 200 00:11:56,180 --> 00:11:59,343 Elliot made a pass at me. 201 00:11:59,417 --> 00:12:02,250 Elliot made a pass at you? 202 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,484 You mean, he winked at you. He winks at everyone. He's a very big winker. 203 00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:09,526 No. It was more than a wink. 204 00:12:09,594 --> 00:12:13,690 He came up to me, and he put his big, masculine arms 205 00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:17,758 around my tiny little waist. 206 00:12:17,835 --> 00:12:20,804 - I don't believe you. - What? 207 00:12:20,872 --> 00:12:24,171 I don't believe that he put his big, masculine arms 208 00:12:24,242 --> 00:12:27,837 around your alleged tiny little waist. 209 00:12:27,912 --> 00:12:29,675 Why would I make up such a thing? 210 00:12:29,747 --> 00:12:31,715 - Because you're jealous. - Jealous? 211 00:12:31,783 --> 00:12:35,048 You're used to getting all the attention, and someone comes along 212 00:12:35,119 --> 00:12:38,111 and wants me and not you and it is eating your guts out. 213 00:12:38,189 --> 00:12:40,919 - Eating my guts out? - You know something? 214 00:12:40,992 --> 00:12:44,587 You could never be a real friend to another woman, and you know why? 215 00:12:44,662 --> 00:12:46,220 - Why? - Because you're a slut! 216 00:12:46,297 --> 00:12:49,460 - A slut?! - Don't repeat everything I say. 217 00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:51,900 Don't repeat everything you say? I'm not! 218 00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:54,939 - You just did. - Nothing you say's worth repeatin'. 219 00:12:55,006 --> 00:12:57,566 You, Blanche, are an amoral, 220 00:12:57,642 --> 00:13:02,807 backstabbing, self-centered Jezebel, and I am very glad that this happened 221 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:05,713 because now I know really what kind of person you are. 222 00:13:05,783 --> 00:13:08,946 The hell with you and your oversexed boyfriend, Dorothy Zbornak! 223 00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:13,116 I'm just glad that little Mei-Ling's coming-out party was ruined. 224 00:13:19,097 --> 00:13:20,291 Who? 225 00:13:20,365 --> 00:13:24,495 And I'm glad that Elliot is bonging every woman at your country club! 226 00:13:26,237 --> 00:13:28,467 What the hell are you talking about? 227 00:13:28,539 --> 00:13:30,473 Ask the towel lady! 228 00:13:45,656 --> 00:13:49,353 Morning, Blanche. Can I get you some coffee? 229 00:13:49,961 --> 00:13:53,021 "Dorothy deserves to know what kind of a person Elliot really is. 230 00:13:53,097 --> 00:13:56,658 If you're her friend, you'll tell her. " Thanks for the advice, Rose. 231 00:13:56,734 --> 00:14:00,329 Now Dorothy's not speaking to me, and I'm not speaking to you. 232 00:14:00,405 --> 00:14:03,431 Now you can get me that coffee. 233 00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:05,669 I know it doesn't feel like it right now, 234 00:14:05,743 --> 00:14:08,576 but you did the right thing by telling Dorothy about Elliot. 235 00:14:08,646 --> 00:14:11,376 - What about Elliot? - He made a pass at me. 236 00:14:11,449 --> 00:14:14,247 - While he's seeing my Dorothy? - Yes. 237 00:14:14,318 --> 00:14:18,311 I can't believe it! My daughter is finally dating a doctor... 238 00:14:18,389 --> 00:14:21,381 he turns out to be a scuzz bucket! 239 00:14:22,493 --> 00:14:25,860 Why does everything happen to me? 240 00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:29,161 - Dorothy hates me. - Oh, Blanche, that's not true! 241 00:14:29,233 --> 00:14:31,997 Oh, yes it is, and I hate her right back double. 242 00:14:32,904 --> 00:14:35,031 Now get me some cream. 243 00:14:38,109 --> 00:14:40,976 Morning, Dorothy. Blanche and I were just having some coffee. 244 00:14:41,045 --> 00:14:43,240 - Would you care to join us? - Frankly, Rose, 245 00:14:43,314 --> 00:14:46,112 I would rather use Willie Nelson's hairbrush. 246 00:14:48,586 --> 00:14:50,816 Must you attack everything Southern? 247 00:14:52,256 --> 00:14:55,851 Come on, now, girls. This is no way to behave. 248 00:14:55,927 --> 00:14:59,454 Isn't there some way we can settle this like rational adults? 249 00:14:59,530 --> 00:15:02,294 We can, once Dorothy stops acting like a child. 250 00:15:02,366 --> 00:15:04,926 I am acting like a child? Do you know what your problem is? 251 00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:07,095 - (doorbell - That's Elliot. I have to leave. 252 00:15:07,171 --> 00:15:10,834 How dare you leave in the middle of a fight? You come back here! 253 00:15:10,908 --> 00:15:13,342 I have a few things I want to say to you, missy! 254 00:15:13,411 --> 00:15:16,972 All right, girls, now hold it right there, and I'm not fooling around! 255 00:15:19,717 --> 00:15:23,312 Dorothy, I think you have to confront Elliot with Blanche's accusation. 256 00:15:23,387 --> 00:15:26,322 Absolutely not! Now, I have to go. 257 00:15:28,259 --> 00:15:30,887 Morning, Dorothy. Ready to go? 258 00:15:30,962 --> 00:15:33,795 Not quite. 259 00:15:33,865 --> 00:15:37,892 Elliot, Blanche says that you made a pass at her. 260 00:15:37,969 --> 00:15:40,028 - What? - You heard her. 261 00:15:41,139 --> 00:15:44,870 - I don't know what to say. - You sure knew what to say last night 262 00:15:44,942 --> 00:15:47,604 Elliot, did you make a pass at Blanche or not? 263 00:15:47,678 --> 00:15:50,203 - Absolutely not. - He's lying. 264 00:15:50,281 --> 00:15:52,272 Look at him, he's twitching... 265 00:15:53,618 --> 00:15:57,987 ...and blinking. He's lying and twitching and blinking. 266 00:15:58,055 --> 00:16:00,546 He is blinking, Dorothy. 267 00:16:02,193 --> 00:16:05,356 Maybe I had better wait for you in the car. 268 00:16:05,429 --> 00:16:08,057 Dorothy, you just have to believe me. 269 00:16:08,132 --> 00:16:12,865 It's not enough that you have had half the men in Dade County. 270 00:16:12,937 --> 00:16:16,395 You have to have everyone else's men. It is pathetic. 271 00:16:16,474 --> 00:16:19,932 I have just never felt so betrayed in all my life. 272 00:16:20,011 --> 00:16:22,309 I haven't been a good friend to a lot of people, 273 00:16:22,380 --> 00:16:24,541 but I have been a very good friend to you, Dorothy. 274 00:16:24,615 --> 00:16:27,778 And you take some stranger's word over mine? 275 00:16:27,852 --> 00:16:31,185 I'm not gonna stand for this, not in my own house. I want you out of here. 276 00:16:31,255 --> 00:16:33,655 Blanche, you don't mean that. She doesn't mean it. 277 00:16:33,724 --> 00:16:38,354 - I do so mean it. - I'll be out as soon as I can find a place. 278 00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:43,526 Blanche, you can't just throw Dorothy out on the street! 279 00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:46,695 You just watch me. 280 00:16:58,449 --> 00:17:01,145 What's the matter, Sophia? You couldn't sleep, either? 281 00:17:01,219 --> 00:17:05,553 No, I was sleeping great, Rose. I just wanted to show off my pajamas. 282 00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:15,728 I'm upset about Dorothy and Blanche. 283 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,893 Oh, me, too. 284 00:17:17,969 --> 00:17:21,370 Who'd believe that they'd break up their friendship over a man? 285 00:17:21,439 --> 00:17:24,533 - It happens. - What can we do? 286 00:17:24,609 --> 00:17:28,136 - Nothing. Just stay out of it. - I can't do that. 287 00:17:28,212 --> 00:17:31,181 Let me tell you a story. 288 00:17:31,249 --> 00:17:34,878 Sicily, 1912. Picture this: 289 00:17:34,952 --> 00:17:39,082 Two young girls, best friends, who shared three things... 290 00:17:39,156 --> 00:17:42,922 a pizza recipe, some dough, and a dream. 291 00:17:42,994 --> 00:17:45,428 Everything is going great until one day, 292 00:17:45,496 --> 00:17:50,195 a fast-talking pepperoni salesman gallops into town. 293 00:17:50,268 --> 00:17:52,259 Of course, both girls are impressed. 294 00:17:52,336 --> 00:17:55,965 He dates one one night, the other, the next night. 295 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:59,635 Pretty soon, he drives a wedge between them. 296 00:18:00,611 --> 00:18:02,943 Before you know it, the pizza suffers, 297 00:18:03,014 --> 00:18:05,574 the business suffers, the friendship suffers. 298 00:18:05,650 --> 00:18:08,483 The girls part company and head for America, 299 00:18:08,552 --> 00:18:11,715 never to see one another again. 300 00:18:11,789 --> 00:18:15,691 Rose, one of those girls was me. 301 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,753 The other one you probably know as Mama Celeste. 302 00:18:31,509 --> 00:18:33,943 Sophia, what's the point? 303 00:18:34,011 --> 00:18:37,674 The point is, I lost a fortune! 304 00:18:39,083 --> 00:18:42,849 What does that have to do with getting Dorothy and Blanche back together? 305 00:18:42,920 --> 00:18:45,013 Nothing! I told you, stay out of it! 306 00:18:45,089 --> 00:18:49,321 I can't! I can't just stand by and watch this happen. 307 00:18:49,393 --> 00:18:51,452 I've got to do something. 308 00:18:51,529 --> 00:18:53,520 That might work, too. 309 00:19:00,271 --> 00:19:03,434 Abbondanzal 310 00:19:10,948 --> 00:19:14,111 Rose, honey, can I borrow your golf gloves? I already packed mine. 311 00:19:14,185 --> 00:19:18,884 - Only if you promise not to move out. - I cannot promise that! 312 00:19:18,956 --> 00:19:21,584 Then putt with bare hands! 313 00:19:21,659 --> 00:19:23,650 (doorbell 314 00:19:26,230 --> 00:19:30,189 - Hi. Ready to go? - Soon as Rose lends me some gloves. 315 00:19:30,267 --> 00:19:33,930 They're in the bottom drawer on the left, under my clarinet. 316 00:19:35,439 --> 00:19:37,430 Be right back. 317 00:19:51,822 --> 00:19:56,384 Has anyone ever told you you look exactly like Jerry Vale? 318 00:19:57,528 --> 00:20:00,929 - No. - They should. 319 00:20:00,998 --> 00:20:05,662 He's the only man in the world that can make the hair on my arms stand up. 320 00:20:07,905 --> 00:20:10,669 Can I fix you a drink? 321 00:20:10,741 --> 00:20:14,472 No, thanks. Is something wrong with your leg? 322 00:20:14,545 --> 00:20:18,481 Nothing you can't fix, doctor man. 323 00:20:18,549 --> 00:20:21,609 - I beg your pardon? - I know I look square, 324 00:20:21,685 --> 00:20:24,552 but I'm like my father's tractor. 325 00:20:24,622 --> 00:20:27,090 I take awhile to warm up, but once I get going, 326 00:20:27,158 --> 00:20:31,652 I can turn your topsoil 'til the cows come home. 327 00:20:33,531 --> 00:20:34,862 Rose, please. 328 00:20:34,932 --> 00:20:38,129 Wanna see some Polaroids of me in my tennis skirt? 329 00:20:38,202 --> 00:20:41,228 Look, Rose, I'm flattered, and please, 330 00:20:41,305 --> 00:20:43,671 no offense, but you're just not my type. 331 00:20:43,741 --> 00:20:46,835 - But Blanche was. - That never happened. 332 00:20:46,911 --> 00:20:48,970 Oh, yes it did. Blanche told me all about it. 333 00:20:49,046 --> 00:20:51,640 - She made it up. - I don't think so. 334 00:20:51,715 --> 00:20:55,742 Look, nothing came of it. I did apologize to her. 335 00:20:55,820 --> 00:20:58,687 - And you lied to me. - Dorothy! 336 00:20:58,756 --> 00:21:00,917 You lied to me about Blanche! 337 00:21:00,991 --> 00:21:05,052 Dorothy, sweetheart, please try to understand. It was no big deal. 338 00:21:05,129 --> 00:21:09,225 Oh, you think so? I probably lost one of my best friends because of you. 339 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,234 To me, that's a very big deal. 340 00:21:11,302 --> 00:21:16,069 - I take it we're not playing golf. - We're not playing anything anymore. 341 00:21:17,441 --> 00:21:20,501 I'll call you in a few days when you've cooled down. 342 00:21:20,578 --> 00:21:23,206 Don't bother. I really have nothing to say to you. 343 00:21:28,719 --> 00:21:31,347 - I'm so sorry, Dorothy. - No, I'm the one who's sorry. 344 00:21:31,422 --> 00:21:37,019 I have to go talk to Blanche. I've been an idiot through this whole thing! 345 00:21:37,094 --> 00:21:39,824 Darn right you have! 346 00:21:47,071 --> 00:21:49,232 - (knock on door - Come in. 347 00:21:51,242 --> 00:21:52,869 Oh, it's you. 348 00:21:56,814 --> 00:21:58,805 Look, Blanche, we have to talk. 349 00:21:58,883 --> 00:22:01,010 I don't have anything to say to you, Dorothy. 350 00:22:01,085 --> 00:22:03,349 Then let me do the talking. 351 00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:07,049 Elliot was just here and he told me the truth about what happened. 352 00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:11,687 Well, I hate to say "I told you so," but I did. I told you so! 353 00:22:14,431 --> 00:22:18,561 Honey, I'm sorry for not believing you. 354 00:22:18,636 --> 00:22:22,003 - There's no excuse for my behavior. - There most certainly isn't. 355 00:22:22,072 --> 00:22:26,236 I guess when it came down to it, I didn't believe you because I didn't want to. 356 00:22:26,310 --> 00:22:28,938 Nobody ever believes me when I'm telling the truth. 357 00:22:29,013 --> 00:22:32,141 I guess it's the curse of being a devastatingly beautiful woman. 358 00:22:32,216 --> 00:22:34,207 Oh, please! 359 00:22:36,787 --> 00:22:41,383 The only other woman who could possibly understand is Priscilla Presley... 360 00:22:43,561 --> 00:22:47,463 ...and Susan Anton. No, not Susan Anton. 361 00:22:47,531 --> 00:22:50,227 Even my husband didn't believe me on our wedding night 362 00:22:50,301 --> 00:22:53,600 - when I told him he was the first. - But George wasn't your first. 363 00:22:54,838 --> 00:22:58,035 Well, he didn't know that! 364 00:22:58,108 --> 00:23:00,872 The point is, he didn't believe me. 365 00:23:00,945 --> 00:23:04,779 Look, Blanche... Blanche, I'm sorry. 366 00:23:04,848 --> 00:23:07,112 Do you think you can ever forgive me? 367 00:23:07,184 --> 00:23:09,345 I don't know. I have to think about it. 368 00:23:10,854 --> 00:23:12,845 I understand. 369 00:23:14,425 --> 00:23:17,485 OK, I've thought about it. I forgive you! 370 00:23:17,561 --> 00:23:19,893 Oh, Blanche, Blanche, thank you! 371 00:23:19,964 --> 00:23:24,196 Oh, what the heck! That's what friendship's all about. 372 00:23:24,735 --> 00:23:28,728 Oh, Blanche, Dorothy! Oh, I'm so glad you made up. 373 00:23:28,806 --> 00:23:32,207 - I knew you couldn't stay mad for long. - Of course we couldn't. 374 00:23:32,276 --> 00:23:37,009 Oh, it takes a big woman to forgive somebody calling her a slut! 375 00:23:39,617 --> 00:23:42,108 You! 376 00:23:43,053 --> 00:23:44,987 Fight over? Good. 377 00:23:45,055 --> 00:23:48,650 Here, taste these. I'm conducting a pizza challenge. 378 00:23:48,726 --> 00:23:52,093 One of these is mine, one is Mama you-know-who's. 379 00:23:52,162 --> 00:23:54,187 Taste them and tell me which you like better. 380 00:23:54,264 --> 00:23:57,324 If I'm right, this could be worth millions. 381 00:23:57,401 --> 00:23:59,631 My face could be in every freezer in America. 382 00:23:59,703 --> 00:24:02,297 Mmm. A, definitely. 383 00:24:02,373 --> 00:24:05,433 - Mmm. Yep, A. - Yeah, A. A, without a doubt. 384 00:24:06,410 --> 00:24:10,676 You can't pick men and you can't pick pizza!